What I Hate

I have never been perfect.

All my life I have thought of myself

as the wrong one the bad one,

the one that doesn't quite fit in.

I knew that others were better than me

I still know

I don't pretend to be innocent cause im not

I love all others even the guilty

because I know that I am guilty

And I feel reluctant to claim any punishment for them

that would mean acknowledging that I too am guilty and will be punished as well

I hate myself when I do wrong

and Hate myself when I do right and feel that I should be worshiped for it.

I cry when I see others accept sin

I cry when I commit sin and repeatedly do so

even though I ask for forgiveness everytime

I hate that everytime is so often.

I hate crying

I hate that when having decided to chase God

I gave up because I couldn't stand the tears

so many drowning me

everyday finding new things that I needed to be forgiven for

Crying for others and the world around me

the tears were unbearable

even so I hate myself for giving up

I hate that I refused to acknowledge that I gave up

that I lie to myself saying "its only a break, I've not given up"

I hate that I hate myself because that is a sin

...Love God, Love others... always a thought

a belief taken to heart How can I love God If I hate the very thing he loves

Myself, How can I love others when I hate myself. How can I love at all when there is Hate in me

what should I hate if anything. I hate sin because God hates it, but thats it.